


Only Human

by CoffeeandKlance_AU



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Last Battle, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Death, Galra Keith (Voltron), Going Home, Heavy Angst, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, POV Keith (Voltron), Sad Ending, Sad Keith (Voltron), Some alterations, SuicideWarning, Triggers, Voltron Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27956381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeandKlance_AU/pseuds/CoffeeandKlance_AU
Summary: "If I made myself an easier person to love, do you think this would have ended differently?"Faced with the inevitable future of ending up alone once the team lands on Earth, Keith does the only thing he can think of - leaving them first.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Only Human

**Author's Note:**

> A depressing spin-off of the end of Voltron in which Keith is tired of being abandoned.  
> This is an extremely heavy Keith angst one-shot. Please do not read if you are easily triggered or upset. Also, some situations have been altered to fit the one shot.

The first thought crept in the back of his mind two months ago.

_Would it be best to do it now?_

The question came out of nowhere. Keith had been sitting alone in his room at the castle, lazily turning his blade over in his hands. The cold metal rested heavily in his palms, and the Galra symbol glittered up at him innocently. 

Maybe he should have looked more surprised. Maybe he should have looked repulsed by the notion of doing something so dark - so _permanent_. But when the thought registered, he did nothing but stare down at the half reflection of himself on the blade. Stone faced, eyes narrowed, mouth shut. 

Instead, he rejected the idea only because it would be selfish to do it then. The team still needed his skills in one way or another, so Keith decided to stay for them until the end.

_Are you sure they need you?_

No. Keith wasn't sure about anything anymore.

All his life, he depended on no one but himself. He guessed being an orphan did that to someone. Or maybe it was because he believed both his parents were dead, until his mother showed up after 18 years of being alive. Should he be happy? Was finding out that his mother abandoned him better than her being dead? _No,_ Keith curled his lip. What good did she do if he had to say goodbye in the end anyway? Why did fate put her in his path, only to rip it from him the moment he thought he could accept her? And the fact that she was Galra put a cherry on top of it. Keith not only had to find out he was part Galra in the middle of going to war against them after hating them - no, _despising_ them with every bone in his body for years - but now he had to deal with his enemies blood in his veins and juggle his roles as a son and being a Voltron team member.

He felt his existence was being to be ripped apart at the seams. 

The want to talk to someone about all of it was heavily padlocked in the darkest corner of his mind. The only person Keith imagined talking to about it was Shiro - and even he had left him. Keith depended too much on Shiro being there for him, only to be left torn at the discovery of his clone. At the fact Shiro had died during the battle of Zarkon. This imposter had tricked Keith in believing he his best friend, his mentor, his older brother figure, was alive. 

Tears pricked the corner of his eyes. Keith clenched the blade into his hands, his reflection blurring. The burn mark on his face smeared with the rest of his vision, and Keith had to tilt his head back and blink at the ceiling.

It wasn't fair. None of this was close to fair.

Shiro had disappeared on him not once, but twice. And every time Keith had him, their relationship grew strained. The thin line keeping them together frayed little by little. But Keith needed Shiro, and Shiro needed Keith too. Well, he had. This new clone, this new version of Shiro, was not something Keith wanted. The battle between them replayed in his mind. The anger in Shiro's eyes. How Shiro had pinned his back to the floor, blade to his throat, not an ounce of hesitation in his eyes.

_"Shiro, I know you're in there...Shiro, please, you're my brother. I love you."_

And what had Shiro done? Pressed his weapon down harder, a new vengeance in his eyes. _"Just let go, Keith."_

How could he? Shiro had been there with him through everything. Shiro had been the one to stick by Keith's side at the Garrison, even when everyone else hated him. He had been the one to teach Keith it's okay to trust again. To depend on someone, just a little. He had been the only thing consistent enough in Keith's life to keep him stable. But now the real Shiro isn't here anymore, and Keith can't handle staring at this clone, seeing it act and talk like the Shiro that said he would never give up on him. The one that Keith missed so desperately.

He didn't know if anyone else had noticed how much he had been willing to die with Shiro. How if he had ended it there with him, he wouldn't have minded. The other paladins? They would have learned to live without him. They could have found another member to replace him. Allura sure would. Even though she says otherwise, Keith can still see the distrust in her eyes when she looks at him. Their relationship after finding out Keith was Galra had never been the same. Everyone else might be a little upset, but nothing they couldn't get over. Pidge said it before - Keith was the loner of the group. That even though he was technically part of the team and they needed him in battle, he would never be able to be more than a tool on the side-lines, waiting to be used to fight. It was the only thing he was good at, after all. 

_All the more reason to go after we win. What good are you if there isn't a battle left for you to fight -_

"Ouch-" Keith hissed. He had squeezed the blade so tightly in his hand that the sharp edges had cut through his gloves and into his palms. He tenderly wiped the blade's edges against his pants and then rested it beside him on the bed. Besides himself and his weapon, the room was empty. Blank walls, dusty corners. Nothing personal on the shelves or closet. He kept it bare for a reason, and not because he didn't have anything to decorate with anyway. Though he admittedly did think a picture would look nice on the walls. Or maybe a few books on the shelf could liven the space up.

He was thankful he didn't do any of that now. It would be much easier for them to forget about him if he left nothing behind.

~

For months after, Keith dealt with the sudden intrusive thoughts carefully. They came commonly, and most times when he was alone. He would focus on them then; turn them over in his mind, let himself dissociate for a long period of time before coming back to the present and tucking the thought away. When he was around others, he would ignore it best he could. Pin it to the side to think about later.

Sometimes the impulses were so strong - hitting Keith full force in training, at dinner, during battles - and he stumbled. The rest of the team noticed something off about him at times when this happened. They asked what was wrong. But Keith just brushed them off, eyes watery and mouth clamped shut. 

Only when the battle against Honerva had ended did Keith come to the realization that his time was running out. It hit him the first night on their journey back home; Keith jolted awake, hearth thundering and sweat matting his hair to his forehead

Images of his nightmare lingered behind his eyelids. He could still hear the harsh whispers of his crewmates.

_"I can't believe we got stuck working with you," Lance snarled. "All you know how to do is fight. it's like you're not even human."_

_"That's because he's not. He's Galra," Allura spat. "Nothing but scum."_

And Shiro had smiled at Keith and shrugged. _"They just don't understand you. How could anyone? It takes so much effort to deal with you, Keith. Just look at you. You're a walking time bomb."_

Keith released a shuddered breath. He shook his head to rid himself of the after effects of the nightmare, clutching his thin blanket tightly in fists. The picture of the team all turning their back on him and leaving him behind once they reached Earth refused to leave his head.

They all had something. Lance had his family to go back to. Pidge is communicating with her brother on new projects they could do while pursuing a career in technology. Coran has already asked for her help and input on a new design for the Castle of Lions. Hunk is thinking of going to culinary school and opening up his own restaurant, and Lance hasn't shut up about seeing his family again.

What did Keith have to look forward to? The only thing he had on Earth was an old shack in the middle of the desert. His family was gone, and he wasn't about to ask to live with any of the other team members. Sure, he could go to school and get a job. But what money did he have? Saving the universe didn't come with a pay check. And choosing a career to devote his life to seemed tiring. He's good at fighting. He's good at being a temperamental, hot-headed prick. Finding a normal job after everything that's happened seemed hilarious. 

But Keith wasn't laughing. No, the exhaustion clinging to his bones wouldn't allow it. The intrusive thoughts hitting him from every angle didn't give him enough time to breathe properly. In that moment, all he felt was pain. His crewmates would leave him. They would abandon him once they touched earth, just like everyone else Keith had known. 

_You really can't keep anyone, can you?_

Keith slung off the bed covers. He made it to his closet, where he changed into his black space suit. The material felt comforting on him. Familiar. Easy to fight in. But there wasn't a reason to fight anymore. There wasn't a reason for him to be there. What did an angry, closed off person like him have in store?

_I don't like who I am._

He supposes it's his own fault. As he stepped out of his room on their ship, he took in the quiet atmosphere of the hallway. No one to stop him. No one to see where he'd go. In the morning, they would all simply wake up, and he'd be gone.

_There's nothing good about me. I'm sick of wasting my time. Wasting other's time._

Though he didn't have a specific spot in mind, his feet lead his all the way to the control room. The big windows revealed all the beautiful stars outside, but Keith wasn't satisfied. He would get a front seat show. He grabbed his helmet by the hangar to his lion and clipped it on. 

_I'm tired._

He pressurized the room, closing the rest of the control center off before he opened the rear center exit. His whole body trembled. His steps became shaky as he stepped outside onto the ships platform and closed the door behind him. 

The movement of the ship had him unsteady, but Keith braced himself as he took a few steps closer to the edge. When nothing but a silver of ship came between him and the drop off of the platform, he stopped. His body swayed lightly. It took all of his strength to plant himself there. 

_I'm worn out. I'm really tired._

A tap on the ships window surprised him.

Keith's shoulders tensed. He looked back, and Lance was standing inside the ship dressed in pajamas and confusion on his face.

"Keith, buddy, what are you doing out there?"

_Everyday is a struggle. Fighting myself everyday when I wake up - God, i'm so, so tired._

"I don't know what else to do," Keith said. At first, he wasn't sure Lance could hear him. But he remembered the control room had a speaker connected to their headsets, and Lance had probably turned it on once he saw Keith wearing a helmet.

"Don't know what to do about what? And why are you standing so far out? You should come back inside."

The thought was appealing. Keith could go back inside right now. Step away from the ledge, walk back in the ship, and tell Lance he was just having a moment to himself. Keith thought about how they would go back to their rooms. How they would be on Earth in a matter of hours, and it would be the last they ever saw of each other. 

_I don't know where I went wrong._

Keith bit his lip. Stared at Lance a moment longer. Saw the realization dawn in his eyes.

He turned back around. Millions upon billions of stars twinkled at him. The abyss of never ending space passed under his feet. Even with his suit on, the coldness of the outside sunk into his sunk and stiffened his joints. 

The stars have always been there for him. They winked down at him from Earth's sky years ago when he had been kicked out of the Garrison. They welcomed him. They never judged him. He could speak to them and they would listen and understand.

"Keith, whatever you're thinking right now is wrong. You don't know what you're doing. Come on, get back in here. We can talk about this."

_You'll leave,_ Keith wanted to say. The words got caught in his throat. _I'm not good enough to stay in your life._

"Keith -"

"Please stop, Lance," Keith whispered. "Go back to bed."

"I will come out there. Come on, Keith, we can talk about this. Whatever you're going through, we can fix it. We're a team, aren't we?" Lance's voice edged on hysteria. 

_A team._ A team of strong, determined paladins who saved the universe. But if Keith was stripped of the suit, if he no longer had the lion to control or have a universe to save, what was he? His identity had laid in being a Voltron member, a paladin, for as long as he can remember. Without the title, what was he left with?

Keith's bottom lip wobbled. He let out a small breath, fogging his helmet. He didn't realize he was crying until he blinked, and fat tear drops rolled down his cheeks. 

"I'm kind of glad you are here," Keith said. "I want to thank you. You made me feel wanted. Like I was someone who mattered. So did the others. But I can't do this anymore."

"Yes you can!" Lance hit the glass. If Keith had been looking at him, he would have seen the wild fear in Lance's eyes. The anxiety shuffling his feet and the dread seizing his limbs. "Look, I'm going to put my suit on and go out there before you do anything stupid."

"Please don't say that." Keith focused on the stars. Grasped at the thought of how small he was under the infinite heavens around him. And even though this is what he wanted, he was still scared. Terrified. "Everyone I have cared for has left me. You will too."

"I never plan on leaving you - and _christ,_ back off the ledge! I swear I will _never_ forgive you if you do this, Keith. I'll hate you forever."

"It'll take some time, but you'll be okay." _I am replaceable. I am a ghost among humanity, born to end up alone._

"I know what it's like to fell left behind, okay? I know what it feels like to not be good enough, but you're thinking about this the wrong way," Lance said. The boy knew his old spacesuit and helmet were near the entrance of the hanger, and guess he'd need two minutes max to put them on. But would Keith stand there that long? "Please, we can work through this together. It will be okay."

Keith wriggled his fingers. Shifted his weight onto his toes. He had chewed his lip so much that blood rolled across his tongue, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"If I made myself an easier person to love, do you think this would have ended differently?"

"You've had problems in your past, it's natural that you are closed off. But Keith, we love you. I promise you we do. Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, Coran and I - we all love you."

_That's my problem,_ Keith didn't dare close his eyes. Not even when his balance tipped, and the solid ground beneath his feet disappeared. _I think too much._

"Keith - _no!"_

The stars never stopped glittering. When Keith first fell, he was spinning. The ship above him circled in and out of sight, every time growing more and more distant. He had enough oxygen to last a long time - but Keith didn't plan on using it all. Lance could easily come down to get him. And he would be, very soon. 

A hinderance, really, because Keith enjoyed looking at the stars. He wished he could stare at them a bit longer. Enjoy feeling weightless. Feeling numb. Here, surrounded by the abyss, Keith felt an inking of comfort - of home. He lifted his hands slowly, fingers on the clasps of his helmet. 

_Click._

And just like Keith imagined, the universe opened it's eternal arms and accepted the boy who had given his all to protect it.


End file.
